i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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