I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
