it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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