sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
