My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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