i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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