Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
