I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
