i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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