there was a trapeze. enough said
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
