how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
