I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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