the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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