Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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