There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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