His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize