I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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