"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
