this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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