It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
