apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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