You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
