if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
