I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
