on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
