can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
