In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
