No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
