Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
