Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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