your parents love me but you hate me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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