he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
