Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize