Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
