how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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