she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
