I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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