is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
