I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
