So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
