Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
