I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
