so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
