I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
