Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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