You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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