i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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