When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
