You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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