I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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