i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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