Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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