I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
