He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
