Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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