I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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