Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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