i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
