I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
