Tell her she can't have a vagina
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
