nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
