I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
