At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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