I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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