he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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