Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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