if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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