I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
